The Call Is Coming From Inside the House

A lot of women are no different than the men they complain about day in and day out. 

This is a hill I’ve stood on for the past fourteen years, and one I’ll continue standing on until things change.

Yesterday I was on Tiktok (I know) and I was listening to a woman speak about some things she’s learned in life. There were a lot of comments, and in my mind, I was sure they were women adding to the conversation. So I popped in. 

Was I right? No. 

There were a small handful of women adding to the conversation, but the rest were women taking away from it. I shit you not, the second comment under her video with over a thousand likes was, “Seeing your little gut poking out makes me feel better about mine.” 

Why? Just why? 

The topic of her conversation had absolutely nothing to do with her body, or anyone else's for that matter. So why make a comment like that? And then to see all those likes from other women… I just… ugh. 

The thing is, it’s not just those kinds of comments that I see and experience regularly that piss me off. It’s also, “Sorry, I couldn’t pay attention to what you were saying because you’re just so pretty,” or “Off topic, but where did you get your lipstick?” Or, “I love your hair. What color is it so I can ask my hairdresser to give me the same?” All while another woman is trying to have a conversation, or even just expressing a thought about something other than fucking hair and makeup.

It’s constantly and it's so incredibly dismissive. It's basically saying, “Anyways, who gives a shit about your brain?” without actually saying those words. How could women not see that it’s the exact same thing so many men do to us all the time?

And that’s just one example. Let me roll up my sleeves, cock my shit, and empty a clip here.

There’s the blatant disregard for another woman’s boundaries, and the literal temper tantrums that follow when she doubles down on them.

Women love posting quotes about the importance of boundaries until another woman’s boundaries inconvenience them personally. Now she's a bitch, “mean,” or “she could’ve said no in a better way.”

What?

I’m sorry, I thought “no” was a complete sentence? Or perhaps that’s only when the “no” is meant for a man… not woman to woman. Right?

There’s the emotional labour. Women complain day in and day out about men treating them like unpaid therapists and emotional dumping grounds for every minor to major crisis in their life… while simultaneously doing the exact same thing to other women. Off and online. 

A woman will post about the things she’s overcome in her life, and here come forty women taking that as a green light to hop into her DMs and trauma-dump a thesis-paper-length life story onto her, concluding it with, “Sorry for the long message. I just have no one else to share this with, and it seems like you can help me.” Making their problems her problems without ever asking her — a woman they don’t know and have never had a conversation with prior to — if she even has the emotional bandwidth to hold space for them in the first place. Zero consideration for her.

And when she never responds to that DM — because, oh I don’t know, maybe that was too much for her? She was having her own bad day? She’s not a therapist? Maybe she IS a therapist but doesn't work for free? She didn’t want to take that on? She didn’t ask for that? Or she simply didn’t feel like it. Now she’s gone from being someone who’s posts they’ve always found comfort in, to someone they can’t wait to drag for filth. Because how dare she not give them what they wanted from her. 

Women do the same thing to friends, co-workers, neighbours even, with the expectation of unlimited access to another woman’s time, energy, attention, and emotional labour simply because they know her or even just know of her.

And Goddess forbid any of these women finally say, “Hey, I actually don’t have the capacity for this right now.” Suddenly she’s a cold, selfish bitch.

Rejection issues much? Remind you of anybody? Members of the dick squad, maybe?

Then there’s the insecurity projection. Please. Women complain about men being intimidated by confident women, then immediately try to humble another woman whose confidence triggers their own insecurities. A woman walks into the room comfortable with herself, loving herself — you know, the way we’re always telling each other we should? And here come other women calling her arrogant, full of herself, intimidating, attention-seeking.

“She thinks she’s better than somebody.”

“She needs to take it down a few notches.”

“She’s doing way too much.”

Really?

And don’t even get me started on the selective-ass support. “I’m a girl’s girl” my bombaclot backside. Because a lot of women love supporting women right up until the woman in question is prettier than them, wiser than them, more successful than them, more confident than them, happier than them, or receiving even the slightest bit of attention they secretly wish they had themselves.

All that “girl’s girl” shit goes out the window, and the passive-aggressive comments and backhanded compliments enter the chat real quick.

And perhaps one of the biggest ones of all, which is something I’ve experienced every day in my line of work for the past decade: women say they want honesty, but when another woman gives it to them without any bubble-wrap? No sugarcoating, no “I’m going to hold your hand while I say this like you’re an eight-year-old child”? Lawd-a-mercy. 

Here come the foaming-at-the-mouth, venomous meltdowns.

It’s exhausting. It’s bad enough that we’ve gotta forever be on our toes when it comes to men, but then on top of that, we can’t even be safe around most women either.

And to keep it a buck, I still have a few in the chamber because there are so, sooo many more examples I could give in depth. But this is a blog post, not a book, so let me wrap it up here.

A lot of women are no different than the men they complain about day in and day out. 

This is a hill I’ve stood on for the past fourteen years, and one I’ll continue standing on.

And until more women get honest with themselves about who they really are instead of who they pretend to be, stop throwing stones then hiding their hands... they’ll keep hurting other women while swearing they’re the victims in every gawt damn story.

Food for thought. Finish your plate.

Cynthia